You know, if she’d been jealous of me, she’d have attacked me. But it was all about why she wasn’t good enough. I just started crying for her.”“You are the most sensitive and compassionate person I’ve ever met,” I said. “You were so into helping with Tent City tonight and getting things organized at PCAD, I could hardly believe it. It takes me so long to process when others need something. I have to remind myself to be aware of other people and not zone out into my own world.”“But you do it. He is all you’ve ever wanted. Then without warning you grab tight to his hand and use it to lift yourself from the hammock. But suddenly you feel yourself falling. By reaching up you lost your balance in the hammock. His hand pulls against yours. Hard. His feet slip in the wet warm mud. Mud formed from the thick red clay of costa rica. The structure of the soil has completely disintegrated with the rain. It is now deep red mud. Warm red deep mud. You pull harder and his footing completely gives. Not as long as that collar was around her neck. She wanted to shout, “I know, isn’t it great? I can’t believe I get to experience this!” But she knew she wasn’t allowed to say anything, so she continued staring at the ground below Angie’s shoes.“Why don’t you sit down,” Michael suggested. Something in the back of Bill’s head was telling him that something was wrong, but he was so mesmerized by Lynn, who had gone back to kneeling on the pillow at the front of the living room, that he completely. Harper had gone off to her studio, leaving Hannah and me alone in the kitchen. There was what they call “a pregnant silence” between us. Maybe that’s because both of us realized how close things had come to “pregnant” being employed in a different manner. Or maybe we were just reacting to the oddity of the whole situation. Hannah and I had both been raised in a culture that frowned on what had just taken place ... in more than one way.Eventually, though, we were able to let our eyes meet.
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